No One Puts Flowers On a Flower's Grave
by Shitshuren Kodomo
Summary: I finally got it to work! YAY! (celebratory dance) Anyway, this is yet ANOTHER Rath death ficcy. Don't let the title decieve you. It's not a songfic. Rath finally goes insane and leaves the castle and....just read. My first fic.


Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights, or Rath. But I like to think I do...*crazed fangirl giggle*   
  
Disclaimer #2: I don't own Tom Waits or the song Flower's Grave'. This is not a songfic. Never. But I did borrow a line from that song for the title. I don't really know why. It sounded cool.  
  
It's my first fic, and a death fic. So please don't throw heavy objects at me. I don't know why I wrote it. It looked like fun to write something so utterly depressing and melancholy I can laugh about it later.  
  
Rath: Killing me is funny?  
  
Shitsuren Kodomo: Ne? I'd never kill you! *glomps*  
  
Rath: *reviewing script* But you did.  
  
S.K: I did? Where? *flips through script* *there's a long pause* Oh my Gawd.  
  
Rath: What?  
  
S.K: I KILLED YOU! *cries* Poor Rath...another bishonen killed by my insatiable desire to write fanfics about them...but oh well! I can bring you back to life with my supreme Authoress powers! YAY!   
  
Rath:o.o;  
  
S.K: Anyways. My first fanfic, R for violence, mature thematic elements (i.e. Rath goes completely insane) and language, though I probably could have gotten away with PG-13. But R makes me feel important. So there. Read.  
  


*~No One Puts Flowers On a Flower's Grave*~  
  
  
  


It was a cold, grey day, devoid of any cheer whatsoever. Gloomy clouds clung to the ground, haunting the earth with their ominous presence. Windows of nearby buildings were shut, allowing their inhabitants to turn a blind eye to the impending doom the mists brought. It crept along silently, like the invisible aging that crawls up unnoticed until it is too late to stop it. Indeed, it was particularly dark and foreboding day, a slow moving day, a day to be indoors safe from the sharp voice of the cold wind.  
  
It was the day Rath left.  
  
He didn't even bother to grab his sword; or his dragon. Without a word, as silent as a falling leaf, he rose out of bed, snatched a small dagger from a table, and was gone. There was no master plan. He walked out of the palace gates as if it were a common occurrence; as if nothing was wrong.  
  
  
  
But everything was wrong. Everything. His best friend was dead. He'd killed one of the people who helped raise him. Even Cesia, though she meant little to him, was gone, kidnapped by Nadil. No one understood hi,. And he desperately needed to be understood. He was to the point where he would eagerly welcome back Bierrez, who actually knew him for what he was. Not Rath the demon-obsessed Fire Knight. No, that was that false persona the Dragon Tribe brought upon him when the Dragon Lord brought him back. He wasn't anything like that. He was Illuser, the demonically powerful killing machine. The nightmare.  
  
He never understood the Dragon Lord's decision to make him human. It would have been considerably easier on both of them if the Dragon Lord had just killed him. Was he some important part of the future? Would he bring down Nadil? He had before, but so had the Dragon Lord. And Cesia could do it. Hell, Rune and Thatz could probably do it, if they pushed the limits of their will. And he wasn't even the real Fire Knight. They had Gil for that. Fire just served as a seal for him, a little animal that prevented the pain from the Illuser within him.  
  
That force within him who struggled from his bonds. from his prison.  
  
How could he end all the pain of Dusis when he couldn't free himself of his own pain? There was that whole factor that he brought it upon himself; that he should always stay with Fire. But Fire belonged to Gil, and that would disrupt the Dragon Clan's way of life. And he'd already caused enough trouble.  
  
Or maybe he was just letting Illuser win? Maybe he was just letting that insanely powerful demon escape? Making excuses for him to leave Fire behind? Did he want the pain that came when the dragon was gone, the pain that would eventually tear him apart inside?  
  
  
That was it. He was suicidal and he didn't care. The farther away he was from the forces of good, like Cesia and Fire, the more the Illuser inside of him showed, the more he loathed the Dragon Tribe for making him, a supremely powerful being, a mere human. A slave to Lykouleon. He'd never wanted to be a slave. He wanted to be free. Always.  
  
  
Now he was roaming aimlessly through a low valley, lost in thought. And pain. But the pain never fully left him, so he kept walking. The cold wind whipped against him, tugging harshly at his coat and his hair. The red haired knight ignored it. A forest rimmed the edges of the valley, and in the opposite direction there was a small village, with comfortable, cozy air about it. He paused, almost turning around and going back to the warm hearths there. A moment of indecision, then he brushed the idea out of his mind and plowed on through the tall grass of the valley.  
  
  
The wind was urgent now, whistling words of fear and warning through the trees that shook Rath's bones. Was something coming? Not that it mattered. If it was a demon, then Rath would probably let it kill him, he was so undecided. He had no feeling, no passion to live. That was why he was so friggin' obsessed with the vile things to begin with. It gave him a chance to risk his neck and feel some of the adrenaline of living. Because no one can live forever. Sooner or later he would fall and his pain would be over. But he always fought back. That was Rath. The Illuser would not fight. Rath would.  
  
  
He hated it being like that. He hated having two minds, two entirely separate creatures crammed into one body. Sometimes he wondered if her was insane, or id he had a disorder of some sort. He remembered once Avis Ravara-_Or should I call him Kharl?_ he thought darkly-had said something about skitzophrenics and people with bipolar disorders; people with two different beings within them. Or at least those people believed they had multiple personalities...that scared him. The prospect of being insane possible scared him more than this being reality. Who could imagine such real pain?  
  
The edges of the forest were dark, the trees towering over him. In any other situation he probably would have stopped to consider just what he was getting himself into, but this time...this time he truly didn't care. the pain within was increasing immensely with every single step he took. But he wanted the pain, didn't he? the Illuser wanted the pain. And Rath really had no more strength left in him to counter it by himself. He needed Fire, Cesia, or the Dragon Lord to maintain the human part of him. That was probably why the Dragon Officers were so strict about leaving the palace. Especially without Fire. He took a step into the forest.  
  
he muttered darkly as he tripped over a root. He got back up, his pace faster than before. Disconnected thoughts swam in his head, blurring together as he began to run among the trees. Illuser...  
  
_ God, I hate that name. I hate Rath, too. I hate myself. I hate life....the Dragon Clan, Nadil, Dusis, Heaven, Cesia, Kaistern-wait, no, not Kaistern. I hate the fact that he was a Dragon. But he's dead now. He got what I wanted; what I deserved. He deserved to live. At least he cared about living; at least he had a passion for it. and then he left me with a bunch of idiots who think they can control what I am...  
  
_ He abruptly tripped over another root, fuming with anger, hate, and indecision. His hear was beating much faster than it should, his head pounding, breath coming out in ragged gasps. Unable to run, he sat up and leaned against a thick tree. The pain was now unbearable, eating him out from within...he slowly drifted into his subconscious...  
  
_Yes, _snarled a strange voice in the back of his head. _Yes, that's it, that's the pain you want. Pain is a close as you'll get to actually feeling something. Pain is what you want, pain will bring down the weak human inside you....pain will end your suffering...  
  
But how can pain end my suffering? Pain is my suffering, _came another voice, strong and determined. _No, I'm not going to let you win. You're the cause for all my suffering...I'll kill you!  
  
Kill me? _snorted the other, darker voice indignantly. _To kill me is to kill yourself. You don't want to die, do you? I do. I want death. It's better than continuing these disgusting alliances I've made by being imprisoned here. It's better than the weaker thing I've become.......you.  
  
SHUT UP! _the determined one again. Rath. The Dragon Knight. That was who this voice was. _ The Dragon Lord gave me a life, he must have seen something in me....  
  
  
Something indeed! _Illuser. The cold, hard, powerful voice seemed so dominant over Rath. _He saw my power. So obedient to your precious Dragon Lord, aren't you? Stupid fool. You have nothing. You are nothing without me. That bitch Lykouleon thought he could control me. No one can. Not even my alter ego, you. Not that damn dragon, not that little bitch Cesia...no one. I am a power beyond your reckoning.  
  
Get out of my head! _Rath screamed desperately. _Get back, go back to your prison and leave me alone! You are my suffering, you are my pain. I could be happy without you. I could be powerful without you....  
  
No, you couldn't. I give you all your power. _Illuser mocked Rath.  
  
_Damn you, Illuser! _Rath again. But his voice was weaker, much weaker, small and unworthy of recognition compared to the demon.  
  
_No. _That was Illuser's reply. The simple word seemed to burn a long, jagged cut into Rath's arm.  
  
  
Rath's body awoke with a startled yelp. He didn't remember which one of the two things within him screamed. Or which one burst into hysterical laughter. All he knew was that in his left hand he held the knife he'd picked up earlier, dripping with crimson blood. And he also was aware that at some point he had rolled up the sleeve of his jacket, exposing the flesh there, and had made a long, rough cut in his forearm.  
  
Illuser was winning.  
  
He didn't know how many times the knife dug into his skin, how many times he cried out into the empty, unresponsive air, how many times the dark Illuser's voice had taken over his own and spoken to him, or how many times he attempted to throw the small dagger into the tree and stop. But Illuser continued. He smiled as the blood gushed out, spilling over the cold, hard earth. There would be flowers here next year. And they would most likely die the following. _But no one puts flowers on a flower's grave, _some part of his tired mind registered dimly.  
  
  
Illuser was beginning to take over his body. He relished the feeling of fresh blood beneath his fingers, the cold steel slashing at his body. The things he had been denied so long. He laughed. Killing that stupid human Rath was so much fun. He grinned as he heard it writhe and scream in pain.  
  
_I hate you, _Illuser yelled, a mad, murderous glint in his deep red eyes. _I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU! _More hysterical laughter. Rath was begging him now, begging him to stop. He enjoyed that. He enjoyed making others crawl before him....  
  
  
In a last futile attempt to live, Rath grasped onto his former body, now limp, then suddenly alive, then half-dead again as the two creatures struggled in his body. But the torment was ending. He could feel it pass as the knife cut him again. He could stop now. He could forget this ever happened and be free of pain and suffering. He could.  
  
But he never did. Rath was too weak. Illuser was too strong.  
  
It was over.  
  
  
  
_________________________________  
  
S.K: *holding tissue* Awww....that makes me sad. Is it just me or did the whole Rath/Illuser thingie I had in the middle sound like Gollum from LOTR? In that case I make another disclaimer: I dun own the Lord of the Rings. Although it would be really kewl if I did. I might continue it if you're nice to me and give me good reviews. Although I don't know where I'll take the story from there.....  
  
Rath: Please don't.   
  
S.K: T_T. Meanie. Fine then. I'll just go torture some other poor Dragon Knight victims. *trademark evil grin. pulls out record player from nowhere and plays trademark evil music* WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
D.K Cast: *whimper* 


End file.
